Alayna Nadine

I am so happy and proud to annouce the birth of our daughter, Alayna Nadine.  She was born at 12:37am on March 4, 2010; weighing 7lbs 10ozs and 21 inches long.  She is perfect. 

Her birth was difficult however.  I had my membranes swept on Mar 1st and by 1am the next morning, my water broke so we went to the hospital.  We spent the night and I was feeling mild contractions; I laid awake feeling excited and nervous at the labour to come.  The next morning they started me on pitocin to get my labour to strengthen as I was only 2cm dilated.  I worked all day long on the contractions as they got stronger and stronger.  I was amazed how I was able to go to a place in my mind and just focus on getting through the pain of each contraction.  I enjoyed the birthing ball and standing rocking with Greg for contractions as I found sitting or laying on the bed more painful.  Greg absolutley amazed me as a labour coach, talking me through each contraction and reminding me how to breath (it is amazing how you forget and can lose control when in pain). 

Later in the night the doctor checked me and then left the room.  She came back and sat me down to explain, between contractions, that even though I was contracting strongly every 30seconds to a minute, I wasn't even close to pushing, in fact I was still only 2cm dilated and I was at the maximum dosage of pitocin and in order to keep labour going, the medicine dosage had to be continually doubled.  She held my hand and said she was going to stop the pitocin and that my labour contractions were going to gradually go away and I was to sleep with the aid of medicine.  I was utterly devestated.  I couldn't believe I hadn't progressed at all after all that hard work.  I didn't know that they would stop labour, I thought for sure I was well on my way to meeting my baby.  After she left I broke down and started balling and it made me sick to my stomach.  That night was difficult as the contractions continued to come and hurt even with the morphine, gravol, and 2 sleeping pills... I still didn't really sleep.

The next morning they checked me and amazingly I was 4cm!  They started me on pitocin again around 8:30 and about 45mins later they came in with more disappointing news.  They were short staffed and a lady came in already 8cm dilated so they had to turn off the pitocin again to go help her.  I couldn't believe it!  Just as I was starting to feel stronger contractions again and though I was for sure on my way now.  Finally sometime after 1pm they were able to come back to me and turned on the pitocin again.  This time my contractions came much stronger on a much lower dose.  My body was ready to do this.  I worked again most of the day and by 5pm I was 5cms dilated and then was told I should dilate 1cm per hour from there on out.  By 6pm I was 6cm and I couldn't stand the pain on my own any more so I tried the gas.  Wow, I did not like it at first.  What a crazy feeling; it makes you sooooo high.  I was encouraged to keep using it and eventually you could not have torn that gas out of my hand if you tried.  I made deep bite marks into the inhaler and worked through each contraction in a sort of out of body experience.  I was very aware of my sister-in-law rubbing my back and my husband holding my hand and speaking to me, but I could barely respond to them, except to ask for ice constantly with the gas drying me out.  I seriously have never felt so high in my life and I didn't like the feeling, but it was better than the raw pain on its own because it at least made me relax between contractions...but I could definitely still feel the pain.

By 8pm I was 8cm dilated and I couldn't do it anymore.  The room was spinning from the gas, and my pain was unbearable.  I muttered with my eyes closed I needed an epidural now.  They started to go about reminding me of the risks and I just rushed through all those formalities; give me my epidural, now!!  It took a while to take effect, and when it did, I still had charley horse pain at the back of my leg.  The anesthesiologist seemed doubtful I felt the pain, but I continually insisted it was very strong and painful, so he gave me another dose... it still hurt.  After the epidural, I am told (I don't remember much by this point) everyone was told to go rest until the pushing phase.  By 10pm I was checked and 10cm dilated and ready to push.  It was so surreal to start pushing.  I have watched a Baby Story hundreds of times on TLC and have waited for this moment for so long.  I knew approximately what I was supposed to do, but it is a difficult thing to coordinate all of your muscles to do the right thing.  I kept getting told I was doing very well so I just kept working at it.  I felt my face getting hot, but I knew I was pushing like crazy and with holding my breath with each push in groups of 3 or 4 in a row, it was no wonder.

After checking me, they began to get concerned about the baby's position.  Her head was not perfectly lined up and was looking diagonally off my pelvis instead of looking directly at my spine.  Soon they put a clip on the baby's head to monitor the heartrate and noticed it was dipping and soaring between 100 and 180 with pushes.  I could hear the beeping of the heartbeat changing in the background, but was encouraged to keep pushing.  They discussed forceps with me, but I wasn't too keen on the idea.  I guess they would have had to turn her head and then reach in further and turn her body - risking her health and potentially mine as well.  I thought, if I push harder, I will get baby out sooner and everything will be fine.  Next thing I knew they checked my temperature and I had a fever.  Apparently I had developed a fever from an infection because my water had been broken for 48 hours.  I was told at this point with the infection, baby's heart rate, and head position, that I needed a c-section.  I couldn't believe it.  But I was so exhausted at this point and I didn't want either of us to suffer anymore.  It took quite a while as they had to call in staff in the middle of the night to perform this surgery.  I was told I could keep pushing if I wanted as my body kept sending very strong signals to push.  I started to cry; what was the point? 

After an agonizing wait I was wheeled into the OR.  This was a surreal experience for me, I was having a c-section, so unexpected.  I could hear the doctors talking about how it normally takes 30mins for a c-section, but they were going to be done this one in 17 mins flat.  I was thinking, "I can hear you, and you are actually trying to break records with how fast you can do my surgery, you are cutting into my body and delivering my precious baby, don't rush!!"  My epidural still wasn't working well and after another 2 doses I could still feel pin pricks on my lower abdomen.  The doctors, in trying to rush kept saying, we have to do a general (knock me out and get Greg to leave the room).  I was terrified.  The anesthesiologist, my new best friend, had witnessed what I had gone through and felt bad for me, he was trying to make it so I could be awake.  He firmly told the other doctors to give me 2 more minutes to get more numb, and they also gave me a local. 

Next thing I knew Greg was in the room and I could hear the beep beep of my heart rate getting faster as I was nervous about the surgery and excited to meet my baby.  The anesthesiologist started talking to me calmly and I asked if they had started yet, to which he answered yes, they prefer to sneak it up on people... thank goodness.  After some pushing and pulling I heard, "and here SHE is" at 12:37am!  They held her up quickly above the curtain and I started to cry and so did she and Greg.  I said, "her name is Alayna Nadine"!  Greg went over with her to watch them clean her up and make sure she was breathing okay. 

Greg went with her to the nursery and got skin-to-skin time with her right away and got to tell the family the wonderful news.  I in the meantime was being stitched back up and then wheeled into recovery...I told the doctors how deeply I appreciated their work for us.  After being rolled into recovery, I started shaking uncontrollably and violently from the medicine.  It was very scary.  They kept doing blood pressure readings and it was about 85/40.  I was getting really concerned and heard I had lost more blood than normal because of how hard my uterus had worked the previous two days.  They were shocked when they would touch me to see how numb I was, that I couldn't feel below the neck... it is supposed to be from the chest down.  Eventually they gave me a sip of water which I didn't swallow correctly and tried to cough but could barely utter a little cough because I was so numb... they were scared I was going to aspirate.  I hated this part and was feeling so alone as everyone else was celebrating Alayna's birth and unaware of how I was doing. 

Eventually I asked if they could bring Alayna into me... they don't normally do this in recovery, but took pitty on me and called the nursery to ask if that would be alright.  They agreed and brough Alayna to me and put her to my breast.  This was the most rewarding moment I have ever had.  She was so alert and looking into my eyes - this was the longest look I had of my baby and I was loving examining her.

By 3am I was moved to my postpartum room and said hello to my mom and sister-in-law Margaret.  Shortly after they both left.  I was still very numb, but on an adreneline high from meeting my baby.  The next few days I was mainly in bed and almost always breast feeding.  I was recovering from the c-section and getting to know my baby and how to be a mommy.  We had lots of visitors at the hospital which was nice because the days were dragging together with very little sleep.

When we left the hospital Alayna was amazing, she slept through being put in the carseat, the ride home, and eventually we had to wake her.  The first night was really rough, she cried and cried for hours.  We were both exhausted and upset we couldn't console her no matter what we did.  Each day has gotten easier as my milk has come in and we are learning how to be parents.  Last night I got more sleep than I have in a week and a half!  I got almost 7 hours (broken up)!!  I feel almost normal today :)

I still feel very sad and emotional at how things turned out (however, I know things could have been sooo much worse and all that matters really is there is a healthy baby and that I am fine).  But I never would have guessed being young, healthy, and with such a complication free pregnancy with the baby head down that I would need a c-section.  We are so lucky to live in a country that can perform c-sections when needed.  Greg and I both have a hard time with the fact that the doctor said in another country or era, both Alayna and I probaby wouldn't have made it.  I still want to try for a natural delivery next time.  Apparently there is only a 0.5% chance of uterine rupture.  I would, however, get the epidural much sooner, and be more prepared for the possibility of it still ending in a c-section.... but we've got plenty of time to think about that!

I am constantly amazed at how perfect she is and know how blessed we are to have her. I love her more every day and she seems to feel the same way. I love it when she looks into my eyes when she is cuddling or is nursing. I love her facial expressions - her "I am barely awake and you disturbed me face" (totally Greg's sleepy face) accompanied by a squeaky sound, or her "I am so content and love nursing" face, her "zonked out peaceful sleepy face", her "rooting look", her "smiley (gassy) sleep face", her "takin' a poop face", and her "look of confusion or concentration".

I also love her soft soft skin. I love how it wrinkles up at the back of her head with her little patch of soft hair. I love the smell, warmth, and utter softness of the top of her head when I kiss it after nursing for burp/cuddle time. I love how she tucks her hands under her head for that cuddle time against my chest. I am amazed how strong she is when she lifts her head up from that position to look at whomever is talking to her and how she can work her hands out of snug swaddles.